Mental Moment-black or white
So many of the clients I see live in either black or white; all or nothing. Much of the conversation goes like this: well, if I can’t win (the audition, award, game, etc.) then I might as well give up or not be involved. As a society have we really evolved to this place of either 0% or 100%? Is that all there is?
Here are some problems with this:
- Only a couple of people ‘win’.
- People in this space live in the outcome. In the outcome they have little control. If they focused on the process where they have total control that gets them closer to their outcome.
- In this space there is no room for mistakes. We learn from mistakes and mistakes give up feedback for improvement.
- Some people don’t act if they feel they aren’t going to get the outcome they desire.
- Living in this space sets you up for failure, 100% of the time.
One of my tennis clients gives up when he thinks he’s going to lose. What is he missing out on? One of my weight loss clients has several of the skills he needs to lose weight but until he can follow a plan 100% of the time he won’t do it? What then is the outcome?
What’s been helpful with my clients? I help them see the gray. I help them see different perspectives. I talk about what’s realistic. I talk about process versus outcome. I help them set goals so that they make progress which allows them to feel successful making them want to continue moving forward. We talked about defining winning in a different way.
I get it! We all want to win! We all want to be at the top of our game! We all want to go from 0-100%! But that is not how it happens in any aspect of life no matter how good at whatever it is you are. Even the things you are good at took time, patience, peaks, valleys, plateau’s and gray areas.
Photo credit: enasco.com