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Women-how do you do it all

A lot of women talk to me about how really challenging it is to lose weight, exercise and take care of themselves when they have husbands, boyfriends and children with different needs than their own. This is reality for a lot of women and a very difficult challenge. For example, I’ve had women ask my opinion about what to do eating out because their husbands want to eat at restaurants that do not have healthy food. I’ve had other women ask me how to stay on track when their family wants burgers and fries in the midst of their diet when they are trying to eat grilled chicken breast and vegetables. 🙂

Women’s culture

It is unfortunately that many women grow up learning (consciously or unconsciously) that their role in this life is to get married,  have kids, raise kids, shop, cook, clean and be the caretaker. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying this is necessarily bad but it’s challenging to be in ‘charge’ of so many things, isn’t it? That is a lot of responsibility. Part of the above examples and other specific questions I get from women are all about: where do YOU fit into all of this?

Fortunately you have control over this. It’s not easy because this is a ‘culture’ but you can do it. You’ve born kids. You’ve raised them. You’ve taken care of your partner or husband. If you can do that for 10, 15, 20 years you can figure out how to make small advances toward changing this culture that isn’t working for YOU.

Women’s midlife crisis

Having been involved with physical coaching and now mental coaching the majority of my clients are women between 35-60 who are finally able to curious about who they are. Most women DO get to a place in their lives where they are left a little lost, numb and void because they may have given up a career, education, physical activity, social life, etc. to be a wife and a mother. None of them would give that up but they come to me a little dazed wondering who they are and where their life has gone. I call this the ‘woman’s midlife crisis’. Many women between 35-60 are lacking confidence, self esteem, identity, motivation, etc. but some of them (YOU) are searching for it.

What do you value

1. Write down your values. I am assuming if you are on this weight loss & exercise journey that you value health, energy, family, etc. What are your values?

Where are you now

2. Write down where you are right now in your life.

The disconnect

3. Take a look at #1 & #2 and see where the ‘disconnect’s’ are. A disconnect is: to sever or interrupt the connection of or between; detach. Are you able to see the disconnect between what you are currently do and your values? For example, if you (really) value health and you smoke it’s pretty clear those don’t go together.

What’s getting in the way

4. Now make a list of what’s getting in the way. What stops you from living in line with your values. Values should be what determines why we do what we do and we travel a path alongside our values because they are the guide.

If your family is getting in the way of your ‘values’ do you change them? You could and that’s one option but is that the best option? What else could you do?

What needs to happen

Here are some important things that need to happen in order for you to take care of yourself:

  • Communication with your family about your journey and why it’s important to you
  • Inviting family members in to be a part of your journey
  • Finding a way for them to have what they want and you can have what you want
  • There are no options when it comes to food: buy & cook healthy
  • Make time for yourself to exercise. Put it in your calendar like any other appointment that you cannot break.
  • Be honest with yourself & your family!
It is a difficult journey! As women you have an entire ‘culture’ of family systems to change and a lot of families don’t like change and don’t take it well but when it comes down to you or them…which is it? Right now it’s all about them. Is that fair to you?

If this journey wasn’t important to you then you wouldn’t be on it! In order to be successful you will have to take some chances and make some changes. I realize it’s also a little scary because even though in some ways your role in this life to get married,  have kids, raise kids, shop, cook, clean and be the caretaker has taken you away of you, it’s been systematic and in some respects probably easier than finding yourself again, losing weight and exercising.

I am here to help! 🙂

Happy Monday!

Dr. Michelle

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