The Impact of Life on Performance (and Visa Versa)
One of the most important aspects in my relationship with an Elite Performer happens in the first few sessions. It is these sessions where I get to know my client. We start in their formative years and move through the moment they’ve come to see me. Not only is this important information for me to have but it’s an important part of me building relationship with them; gaining trust and respect. I tell every client I start working with that we aren’t (necessarily) going to spend a lot of time digging into their childhood but I am a firm believer that what has happened to us in our former years of life does have an impact on how we deal with our current life.
Therapy
Last week one of my clients asked me how after so many years of therapy she still had ‘undiscoverables’. 🙂 Here is what I told her. A lot happens in our childhood and it sometimes takes awhile to be aware of the things that have always worked. Generally when you start therapy you go in wanting to deal with something ‘big’: alcoholism, a relationship breaking up, death, etc. Something big smacks you down and you need help dealing with it. In that process you usually discover some other hidden gems/problems/challenges/issues. Many times people don’t get to the micro hidden gems/problems/challenges/issues.
Example
A great example of this is when I work with people around food issues. Most of the people who have food issues know that they have good issues and some may even know that they’ve eaten fairly unhealthy all their lives but what they don’t know is somewhat hidden underneath that level of awareness. For example, after a long, hard, stressful day at work did your Dad come home with McDonald’s? When your Mom had a tiring day did she grab for a bag of MnM’s? What did your family meals consist of? What time of the day did your family eat dinner? All of these things that happen when we are young effect us as adults but don’t see it for awhile (if ever) because it has a purpose just like it did for your Mom & Dad. Fortunately several of my clients are unhappy with the patterns they acquired from their parents, are able to see how they aren’t working any more and are making changes.
Effects on performance
I’ve been working with a tennis player for 4 weeks. In the first few weeks he made great strides with his focus and concentration but was still plagued by other players who he felt were manipulative and antagonizing. He let these kind of people get under his skin and totally effect his game. He would shut down. In our 4th session what we realized is that his Mom was manipulative and antagonizing and his Dad was negative and wanted him to be unhappy. When he was younger he dealt with some of this with alcohol, cigarettes, sarcasm and shutting down. 🙂 Now we can deal with this from another perspective: grieving about it, realizing he doesn’t need to deal with his tennis or his life in this way and coming up with a new way to deal with these situations.
It’s not always this easy but sometimes it is! Everything effects everything else no matter how hard you try and compartmentalize. When something isn’t ‘working’ in your performance life it can be helpful to see if that same thing or similar is not working in your personal or work life, try to identify it and then think about what you can do differently; or ask for help :-)!
Happy Monday!
Dr. Michelle
Photo credit: integral-options.blogspot.com
