Listening is Critical to Being a Good Leader

Let me ask. How do you feel when people listen to you? What does it mean when someone is listening while you are talking? Can you think of someone who was a great listening? Write down all the qualities and characteristics of that person. Now, think of someone you know who is not a good listening. Write down all the qualities and characteristics of that person. What’s the difference between the two? Which are you? Which do you want to be?

What do I mean by the word leader? Being a leader can include:

• business leader
• lead trumpet player
• captain of a team
• coaching
• mentoring
• being a doubles partners

Part of being a good communicator and a good leader is listening. Why? Because as I talked about a couple of weeks ago it’s important for leaders to build collaboration with their staff. Leaders who listen come across as respectful, caring and collaborative. Instead of the goal being to communicate information, the goal should be to build relationships. In this process information flows organically and naturally.This requires a leader to have the attitude of honoring an individual’s perspective and a genuine interest in getting to know the people that work with them.

Generally instead of collaboration, when leaders encounter staff who needs help, the common reaction is to get mad or try to fix things themselves. Getting mad doesn’t produce results and I’ll bet you’ve seen that time and time ago but some of you probably get mad anyway. Many times the reason staff don’t know how to do something is because the leader hasn’t explained it well or they aren’t even trained to be able to do it. Fixing things is called the righting reflex and it assumes that the person doesn’t know what they are doing or they are lazy. In this situation leaders think that they need to be honest, clear and tough with people and not beat around the bush. Unfortunately, the righting reflex is a poor method of ‘encouragement’. There are many studies showing that interactions based on a righting reflex are laced with arguments, bad feelings, frustration and leads to poor results. The righting reflex is the opposite of supporting staff and communicating understanding.In the listen first communication strategy it suggests that first and foremost, people need NOT be told what to do, but rather need to be understood and supported. Although advice has its place and time, in most cases people need to be heard: I don’t understand how to do this’ without assumptions being made: you must be dumb and lazy and without retribution: I am going to take this project away from you, give it to someone else and write you up for not doing your work.

Listening is one part of being a good, communicative leader. Fortunately, fairly simple communication strategies can be effective in accomplishing this. They can help people feel supported, understood, and comfortable in their work environment. These same simple communication strategies also minimize arguments and disagreements which that make working relationships uncomfortable. By maximizing support and minimizing arguments, listen is one piece in connecting our staff with us. That goal is the central spirit that you must bring to our work.

Exercise for this week: go into 1 conversation this week being present enough to  fully listen to what the other person has to say. Bring no agenda. In that conversation work on paying attention to what the other person is saying and try to not add your opinion. Instead ask questions. Let me know how it goes.

Happy St. Patty’s Day!

Dr. Michelle