Mental Moment-At What Age and When

It’s hard to know when (exactly) a child should get mental support around their performance. Hopefully my last two blogs post have helped some. Here are a few more things to take into consideration.

What age

I personally will not work with a child on mental performance skills under the age of 12. I believe that till 12 or 13 children still should be having fun; developing skill and learning about competition but still having fun. I also feel at this age is where children are growing into and some out of one sport, instrument or passion and into another. I think high school brings with it transitions in all areas of a child’s life and this is where the real passion for performance’ becomes solidified.

Although I feel that age 13-14 is still a tenuous time for children some children are starting to find what they are good at. This is a good time to start working on ‘life skills’ and growing emotional maturity.

Good versus passion

There is a huge difference in child participating in something because they are good at it versus participating because they are passionate about it. For example, you might be good at your job but you might not be passionate about it. How does that discrepancy make you feel? It’s important that your child be passionate about what they are doing otherwise 4, 5, 10 years from now they will be unhappy, they will struggle to perform, it won’t be fun, this will then effect other parts of their life and they may drop out and not have the opportunity to do what they were really passionate about.

You or your child

There’s a cliche about how parents work through their own childhood performance issues through their kids. This might not sound like you but you’d be amazed at how it shows up while I am working with kids. For example, I really wanted to play basketball (passion) but I was good at baseball and my parents said I should stick with that. They said that in 5 years I might be able to get a scholarship to go to college. Or, my my parents bought me a flute when I was 5. They’ve put all of their money into camps and lessons for me. I am now 12 years old. I am good at the flute but I don’t want to play it anymore.

There are any number of things that can happen from here. One thing for sure that wont happen, your child won’t tell you they aren’t happy or passionate about what they are doing because they don’t want to let you down.

Good versus passion. Your agenda versus what your child wants. What’s important?

Life skills versus performance skills

Around the age of 13-14 I can start working with your child on life skills: communication, time management, teamwork, motivation and leadership. However, these are better taught by parents, coaches and teachers. These skills should be taught, reinforced and modeled in all environments.

At the tail end of junior high into high school is when I find that woring on specific performance related skills are the most beneficial and actually the time when your child should be getting support around emotional maturity.

Pre, during, post

Definitely around age 15 is a good time to start thinking about the mental skills your child needs to perform at her/his best otherwise for a great majority of performers this will show up, suddenly and usually at an inappropriate time. In order for your child to be completely prepared to excel they need to have a mental plan that coexists with their physical practice plan.

I am frequently asked whether or not children should work with me pre, during or post season. All of this times are important for different reasons. Pre season is a great time to start the conversation so that a child can take that information into her/his season. It’s a great time to start to develop a plan that we many times change and rearrange. Post season is a a great time to reevaluate what’s happened during the season; what worked and what didn’t work and figure out where the child needs to go next.

This is process takes time partially because at the same time I work with children to help them understand emotions and develop emotional maturity. My goal is to help children develop transferable skills, teach them how to make that transference and help them to be as independent as possible.

Happy midweek!

Dr. Michelle

Photo credit: workandfamilylife.com