Diary of a Cyclist-Why I Race

G: Hi there, thanks again. Yes, I am hard on myself. I feel myself getting anxious lately and feel maybe I need some time, ( week) off! I am about to do my first 7 day stage race and I think I am VERY nervous and that has started this ball rolling, along with a bad race at nationals due to weather conditions. I keep TRYING SOOOO HARD to have positive thoughts and say I CAN be there in the pack AND if I am not…that is okay too, really. But deep down I know that I am afraid of the race! I have never done anything like it. BUT there are people there that are my level and I will have people to ride with, so what’s the big deal? My expectations? So..I try to let them go..but it is SO HARD TO DO! Why can’t I just not think!!

Why do I race…good question. I love sports. Always have. Cycling I feel I just always push the envelope and although at the time I SUFFER LIKE A DOG..after…I think…sweet, man that hurt but I am SO satisfied when I improve compared to where I was. That is so important and I should remember it more now that I write it. I just am driven to be super good at it. I want to race with the best in the world, I just have this feeling that I’ve got the talent..I need the head. I LOVE TO RACE. It is fun, it hurts but I like it. I just do. I don’t race for others. I race for me. I am motivated by my improvement and I guess I know that by how I do in races versus people, so in a way it involves others? But not my sole motivation for sure. Sometimes when you train a lot you are right…I forget why I do it because I am tired, I get a bit less social since I race on weekend and so on. I made a point to call friends and make plans today…keep the circle of life full!
I will think more about why I ride and race. I always have been into sports..riding is a no brainer..racing is the toughy…love hate relationship. THANK YOU for making me think and taking the time.

Dr. Michelle: it sounds like you are becoming more aware and that you are even HAPPY about it! Yay! This is the first step!

It’s great that you are cycling for yourself although in some of your past correspondence I did wonder because you talked some about your race in semi-comparison to other racers, being dropped and toward the back of the pack. It’s some of the wording you used that threw a red-flag up for me but if you LOVE it and that is why you do it then you are on the right track.

Let me give you one more thing to think about…or if you have enough to think about STOP here and don’t read any further 🙂 What is it about racing that is so tough for you? What is the difference between your training and racing that changes the dynamics of cycling for you? It does sound as though there is something within the actual racing (versus training) that makes cycling mentally challenging for you.

OK it seems like you are beginning to get a handle on this. The most important thing is realizing how the mental side of sport effects you and realize that you DO need to train for that 🙂

(end)

I hope you have a great weekend!

Dr. Michelle

Photo credit: Seth W.