Mental Moment-It Was Meant to Be

I believe that everything happens for a reason. The reason is not always readily apparent and in some situations really hard to find but it is there.

Example

One of my best friends who is from Cali took a job out of state. She thought this job was going to be a great experience but since she’s been there its been nothing but difficult for her on many levels. Her contract is ending and she’s been toiling over how to let them know that she’s not going to renew her contract with them. This has also impacted her transition back to Cali.

This week my friends supervisor offered her some free, sought after training which was going to happen at their facility. My friend signed up for said training but then realized she couldn’t participate due to a scheduling conflict. She called right away and said she couldn’t make it.

My friend gets a response from her supervise via text stating how disrespectful my friend is…I can’t believe you’d do this to me…this was a gift to you…ending with, don’t contact me today I am angry and don’t want to talk to you.

First reactions

I am not doing the text message justice and it might not sound as rude here as it did when my friend read it and then read it to me but it was. It came out of the blue, through text and asking for no communication.

My friend was very upset to be treated so rudely and to have her option of communication cut off. She was angry, frustrated, sad and confused. Where do things stand with her supervisor? Will there be retribution? What will happen through the end of her contract?

What’s really going on

What is really going on here? It sounds to me as if the supervisor is looking for control. Control over my friend. Control over the training. Control over the work environment. Control over how and when communication happens. She wants control but is afraid to ‘ask for it’ in person so sends it through text. Control usually comes from insecurity and insecurity stems from childhood…this person clearly does not know how to supervise (an entirely different blog on another day).

Second reaction

I suggested that my friend not do or say anything until after she’s gone through her anger. Doing and saying in the anger phase will most definitely get her deeper into a bad situation. Clearly her supervisor will not be able to hear her which will make the situation bad and ugly and it will spiral downhill from there.

Having no control over her supervisor my friend came to the realization that she needed to take care of herself. This led to asking why did this happen and coming to conclusion that everything happens for a reason. She could let go of her guilt of not renewing her contract and she could finally make plans to come home.

What will the final outcome be

In 45 minutes my friend walked away from this originally anger provoking situation to finding the silver lining. Although she’s clear that the rest of her time there is not going to be pleasant she is figuring out what she needs to do to get through it.

Since this conversation with my friend she has initiated communication with her supervisor who has said she doesn’t have time to talk for another two weeks. My friends supervisor may be embarrassed. Unfortunately that embarrassment will turn to anger which will fuel her justification for starting this…two weeks of not talking about this will render them both helpless to deal with it. Although the initial situation probably set my friend and her supervisor up for irreputable damage the more days pass the more damage and less chance for recovery.

Find the reasons for situations to be ‘meant to be’.

Happy end of the week!

Dr. Michelle

Photo credit: zakiyahmonique.wordpress.com