Mental Moment-Expectations
Expectations can get us in a lot of trouble particularly when we don’t know that we have them or what they are. As an elite performer it may important to take a couple of minutes to think about what your expectations are.Where do they stem from? Are they realistic? Do I even need them?
Familiar situations
Many times new situations aren’t really new. They are attached to past experiences/expectations. If we aren’t able to realize that the situation we are in now is part of an old pattern then we might also not realize that we are responding in old, unhealthy ways. For example, how many times have you dated someone who was like one of your parents before you realized it wasn’t working for you? How long did it take to recognize what was happening?
Check in
When you go into a new situations or environment check in with yourself: does this feel familiar? If so what about it seems familiar to you? See if you can tap into when you’ve gone through similar things. For example, when I was a kid I wanted to play the drums but my Mom wanted me to play the trumpet. As an adult I wanted to join the women’s basketball league but my partner wanted me to play volleyball. These might not sound the same but if you have not had the opportunity to work on ‘childhood’ patterns and been able to change them there is a huge chance that you will deal with the latter just as you did with your Mom. Accompanying these patters are similar thoughts, feelings and expectations that can get in the way of you getting what you really want and or need.
What were your expectations in the past
Using the example above what where your thoughts, feelings and expectations around not being able to do what you want to do? As a child you may not have had an opportunity to explore them but as an adult you can figure out how you are impacted and make change. When you were a kid what were your expectations around being an athlete, artist, writer or musician? Did you have any? Did you meet them?
As a child athlete I don’t remember having any expectations around being an athlete but in retrospect I just expected if I worked hard I would keep getting better and I did. As an adult athlete I unconsciously carried this with me; if I worked hard I would just continue to get better. I learned very quickly that this was not going to happen and was not the case.
What about now
Are your expectations around being an athlete, artist, writer or musician the same now? Do you have any? Do you know what they are? Are you meeting them or are you struggling to meet them because something is continuing to block you?
You are in control of expectations but you have to first know whether or not you have them and what they are so that you can decide if they are ‘right’ for you. One way to figure out if they are ‘right’ for you is to determine what you realistically want your current situation to look like. For example, if as an adult athlete my expectation is that if I work hard I will continue to get better I should probably look at that and decide if that is the right expectation given where I am at in my life: socially, professionally, educationally, financially, etc. Is this an old expectation and is this realistic for me?
Not all expectations are wrong or bad but it does help know what they are, where they came from and are they realistic for your current situation versus just allowing unconscious, unmet expectations to creep in and get in your way.
Happy end of the week!
Dr. Michelle
Photo credit: mimiandeunice.com
