Diary of a Cyclist-Nationals Were Awful, I Choked
G: hey Michelle, how are you? Well I had a TERRIBLE race at nationals. I choked. After all the training, hard work and mental focus…I still choked. I don’t know this has quite happened this bad before. I was almost in tears pre event of nerves. I tried to do relaxation, focus, music, all of it.
After my performance, which I did not go as hard as I could since I was so scared to go too hard (this only is in this event that I feel this way) I could not stop crying. I HATE THIS about myself. I can’t stand that I feel I can not control my crying when I really dissappoint myself.
I put WAY too much expectatation and pressure on myself for this race. I see that now. But I still could not rid the tears. I want to be able to be stronger and more rational than emotional when things go poorly. I find my emotions just BURST out. It is embarassing after the fact. I mean I am not 5 years old!
It does not happen a lot, but when I expect a lot and perform poorly, or when I don’t feel I gave it my all…then it happens.
Can I change this since I have been a crying type all my life?
Dr. Michelle: you sound frustrated!
I am going to ask you three simple questions:
1) Where does your crying stem from?
2) Do YOU think you can change this behavior that you don’t like?
3) When a situation comes up and you feel like crying (although there is NOTHING wrong with crying) what goes on for you? What do you feel? What does it remind you of? What thoughts are going through your mind? Etc.
Anne let me give you one tip that might help with your situation. The next time you find yourself in a sitaution where you feel like crying (awareness) try taking a couple of deep breaths and see what happens (changing the pattern of behavior).
G: hey Michelle, how are you? Good here. Getting over nationals quite well.
Crying. Stems from I think, my dad and I arguing when I was young and throughout teens and I would cry when he got mad, I stopped saying much and cried. I cry when adults are around I am feel very embarrassed about something. It is embarassing. I mean it does not happen often! But when it does.
When I cry I feel soooo sad at that moment, and I feel like I can’t control it. I know I can learn to if I know how. I have tried breathing. It works sometimes. BUT if soemone talks to me when I am on the verge of crying..I will start to cry. Too many emotions are built up at the moment. I need to be alone. Also I need to talk about it but not in public. I don’t like attention, especially when emotional.
Dr. Michelle: OK here are my initial thoughts. It sounds like when you were young crying was a form of communication and perhaps control for you. Many times when we are young and in a situation where an adult is always in control we are seemingly unable to say what we need to say for fear of retribution so we find alternative ways to communicate how we are feeling or what’s going on.
One of the biggest, best things you can probably do for yourself is this: try and realize life is not the same as it was when you communicated with your Dad, that you do have control, that your feelings are valuable and that NOW there are people who will listen to you or help you sort through some of your fear and frustration so instead of crying (which isn’t always bad) you can use your voice, your words to get through things.
Next if sadness is what’s behind your crying what is the sadness in your cycling; because the fear of competing or racing makes you cry?
Try and find the equation between what made you cry with your Dad and what’s making you cry at the fear and frustration of your cycling. Are there similarities? Does that make sense? [End]
I hope you have a great weekend!
Dr. Michelle
Photo credit: bikereviews.com
