Changing How We Shape Girls and Athletes

Overall, I am a strong advocate for how we shape girls and women in sports. We need to recognize and understand the importance of getting girls involved in sport, keeping women in sport, and expanding visibility for both. I have conducted a lot of research and have given many presentations on how to coach girls as well as how parents can best work with their child and their child’s coach. There are some obvious differences between girls and boys and each should be treated as their own individuals. I do wonder, though, what it would look like if girls and boys were raised similarly with regard to many factors such as taking risks and the discovery process of their choices in life.

General differences between girls and boys

Boys tend to be more analytical, linear. and logical in processing information. Generally, they prefer information to be presented in a fact-oriented and objective manner. Girls tend to want the whole picture. They like to understand why they are performing certain tasks and what they are achieving by doing it. For girls, it is best when information is presented in a larger context.

Boys tend to react by jumping into action while girls tend to react on an emotional level. How you communicate with them can make a huge difference. Girls are more interested in how you say something as opposed to what you say. Girls tend to internalize and personalize feedback which can then be seen as disapproval. Females also worry more about what others think of them. You never want to single a girl out in front of their peers. Boys and girls enjoy being praised but boys are likely to take criticism a little better than girls (Coaching boys or girls: Is there a difference? Thursday, October 9, 2014).

Where do these differences come from?

When kids are born, gender differences aren’t that significant. You’ve heard me say this before, but behavior and development have more to do with life experiences than they do with gender. At a very early age, life experiences are formed unconsciously by what kids see and hear and not just what’s directed toward them but everything in their environment. Still early on, they continue to be shaped by the people around them but become more conscious. Kids start to copy adult behaviors and as they learn to talk, use words they hear from their parents.

At this early age, parents are likely to treat girls differently than boys. Traditionally, many of us have been conditioned to bring pink to a girl’s baby shower and to buy girls a Barbie doll. If a girl falls down and scrapes her knee, a parent is right there to pick her up and put a bandage on it. If a girl attempts something that is ‘risky’ parents tend to say, don’t do that or be careful. These are pretty common messages. It might seem old tradition but this is still happening today…In order to be a girl, you’ll wear pink, play with Barbie dolls, shouldn’t participate in anything too risky, cannot get dirty, won’t excel at math/science but absolutely need to know how to cook to get a husband. Some of these have changed but they are largely the same and they are reinforced not only by parents, but coaches, teachers, and society directly and indirectly. How do these direct and indirect messages impact girls?

These are the life experiences that shape who and what girls develop into.

How we shape girls and the impact

In my work with clients, socio-cultural structure and gender role conflict still impacts how girls and women think about themselves. Think about any unconscious messages you may have received as a girl about being active or involved in sports. One of those unconscious messages that many of my clients have ‘experienced’ comes from the fact that most mothers were inactive and didn’t value activity. This has impacted how we shape girls and how my clients see themselves as individuals, girls, women and athletes. You might not think this has an impact, but it does.

Although there seems to be less gender role differentiation than in years past, it’s still an inherent part of society. This is reflected in social role theory. Social role theory states that although the perception of sex differences may be based on actual differences, it is magnified by the unequal social roles occupied by men and women. The process of socialization can be interpreted as part of the male-female social construct which works to maintain and strengthen gender differences.

When we are younger there are many unconscious messages that we take in and that impact our life, now and in the future, in some way whether you recognize it or not. Those messages include information about the body, being a ‘girl’, emotions, food, decision making, roles, communication, being an athlete, etc. As a child we don’t know that these messages exist or what to do with them, but they shape who we are, and they are all difficult to change because it’s what we know.

So what happens when girls are not presented with or allowed to encounter or take on more risk? What is the impact to a girl when we don’t show them all opportunities so that they can later decide what or where their talents might lie?

Raising girls and boys similarly

What would it look like if kids were raised as individuals and not by their gender? I grew up a tomboy and did a lot with boys and a lot with girls. I learned how to be a girl when I needed to be one but also how to be a boy when I needed those characteristics. It has served me well. Men relate well to me because I have some similarities to them, but women also relate to me due to our similarities. For me, this did not happen consciously, it was out of necessity, but I wonder what the world might look like if girls and boys were raised similarly. Not everyone would be the same because even those of us that are the same gender are not the same; at all.

Here are some examples:

• “Give your girl building blocks, talk about numbers, play ball with her, and, when she’s old enough, introduce her to kid-friendly computer, video, and smartphone games that focus on targeting objects” (8 Differences Between Boys and Girls. March 17, 2015).
• Widen your young girls toy horizons by offering all sorts of toys instead of sticking to the stereotypical stuff.
• Get girls moving with plenty of active playtime — from dancing to playing chase.
• Read non-stereotypical material to girls.
• Talk to girls about all subjects including sports, cars, etc.
• Take girls to sporting events.
• Allow girls to help fix the car or paint the house.
• Allow girls to choose different things or sports that they want to participate in.

Girls as athletes

All of this information holds true for girls and also for athletes. No two athletes are the same. Each will have their own ways of approaching practice and competition. To get the best out of your athlete, you have to get to know them as individuals and as athletes. Part of making this happen is to understand what motivates them, their learning style, and their feedback preferences. What will they respond best to? It is important to recognize that there are certain traits and tendencies that may differentiate girls and boys that can be useful tools to engage your athletes