I get to work with passionate performers every day. I love helping them realize their potential and getting them on the right path. That is a statement I get to say every day and it feels good. I really enjoy Seth Godin’s blog. They are generally short and to the point, but he also uses great everyday experiences as examples so that the reader can really understand it.

He recently wrote on a topic and I want to expand the conversation a bit further particularly because his point today was how to bridge the gap between have to and get to which is so near and dear to my heart – The gap between ‘have to’ and ‘get to’. This shift can be so small but so important to moving forward.

Have to

Sometimes we speak from habit. It’s just the way we are used to talking. The problem is we don’t always think about the impact of our words. Have to is a statement frequently used. I have to get the groceries. You have to make your bed. I have to perform today. I have to win today. Sometimes we use words like have to without thinking about it but before you know it, the negative impact of this phrase bears down and feels like pressure. When most of us experience pressure to do something, it makes us feel like we really don’t want to do it. Ugh! I have to do that again. I don’t want to!

In life, there are things we have to do that we don’t want to. I can think of several right now. When you think of performing as a have to and the thing you love to do, and you suggest that it fits into the have to category makes you not love it so much and makes it very difficult to perform. Yes, doing the thing you love to do is hard to do when you put it into a negative form.

Say “I have to” several times out loud or in your head. How does it feel? I’ll bet not very good.

Get to

Now, say “I get to” several times out loud or in your head. How does that feel? I’ll bet better and in fact, I’ll bet it makes you feel excited; kind of like a kid. Wow! I get to write my blog today!

Get to is very powerful. I get to do something. I do! I can’t wait! I am incredibly excited and curious about it! What follows the statement get to is, a looking forward to versus not looking forward to. This small change in language provides an enhanced confidence and motivation for doing something. It becomes an opportunity versus a chore.

I was working with one of my musicians who was getting ready to perform and he was struggling with not looking forward to performing. We talked about why this was and spent a lot of time talking about switching his language to I get to perform, and I look forward to the opportunity. He eventually made the switch and realized that in his past when he’s come from a positive place versus a negative place, he’s been able to feel good about performance and performs much better.

Change I have to >> I get to

I think I already alluded to this but one really good first step in going from ‘have to’ to ‘get to’, is changing language. As I said above have to can start to take form due to habit. We start to use the phrase and just continue unconsciously using the phrase. One of the other reasons we start using have to is because whatever it is we are doing CAN and sometimes DOES feel like a chore. Either way, a small change in language will make a huge difference and may be all it takes as long as you continue to flip the language. Whenever have to bubbles up, it’s important to switch it to get to every time. Try it and see what happens. What do you have to lose? What can it hurt?

Make it positive. Make it stick.

In addition to changing your language, also change your body language. Normally with have to, the body slumps over a bit and the face frowns. You probably do not notice it but pay extra attention.

Lift your shoulders and head up, keep your eyes looking forward, and put a smile on your face.

I’ve used both of these techniques in isolation and together. They can work either way but together there’s a powerful shift in your brain and your body. They are the perfect combination of simplistic skills that when put together creates an optimal environment.

There are other ways to make the switch but honestly language is powerful and small positive shifts in language is really powerful. A positive shift in language increases your confidence and motivation, lowering anxiety and stress, freeing you up to perform. This happens not only because of how it makes you feel, but others see it, you see that they see it, they often say something about it, and it reinforces what you are feeling. 😊

And now the more positive statement is… I GET TO PERFORM!