As might be expected, adults struggle without the right mental skills. I’ve worked with plenty of adults who just need to develop or practice their mental skills and coping mechanisms so they can function and, especially, perform at a more optimal state. What is amazing to me though, is how far a person can go with a lack of understanding or less developed mental skills.

I’ve worked with symphony musicians who work with a symphony. I’ve worked with entrepreneurs and high-level executives who have grown businesses and developed great teams. And, I’ve worked with Olympic athletes who have competed at the Olympic Games.

So, what is that takes people this far but seemingly no further than that? What happens when you get to ‘that’ level of success and then struggle to move beyond it?

Getting by

When we are younger, we develop the skills we need to deal with the world. Something happens and we figure out how to deal with it. It’s partly happenstance and partly nurturing.

For example, if at 8 years of age you are performing in a recital and you chip a note, in that moment you must figure out how to deal with what’s just happened but at this age it is a very unconscious process. In this situation, unconsciously, you decide to stop playing and pick up where you left off. There’s probably no harm in that. It sounds like a perfectly excellent way to deal with the situation. However, sometimes you hear your teacher or parents respond by saying, why did you stop? You should have kept playing. Now, you probably think you did something wrong. The next time it happens you keep playing but it just sounds worse and you don’t know what to do because people have told you to keep playing. This happens when expectations and pressures are high.

On the other hand, if your parents asked you what happened? You would explain it and if they said, that sounds like the right thing to do. Or if they took it a step further and asked you, how else could you deal with that situation should it arise again?, this nurtures your ability to think it through, talk through it, and make decisions for yourself.

Then what happens

Until the age of 10 or 11 years old, you figure out how to get by and usually with some nurturing from those around you. The challenge is the ways you figure out how to get by usually don’t suffice as you age and the nurturing you get from those around you may not always be quite right for you. How you learn how to cope with life at an early age is on a continuum and some of the ways you learn how to cope may work in some situations but not for others.

If you developed fairly good coping mechanisms when you were a kid, then they may take you quite far until some sort of transition is just too big to deal with for what you are going through.

More than getting by

Whether you are a symphony musician, a B-suite executive, or an Olympian, doing pretty well with what you have can change as pressures and demands change. There’s a transition that’s happened and it’s put you in a very different place. One that you aren’t sure how to deal with. It may be that you are auditioning for principle symphony jobs, you are in line to secure a C-suite position, or you’re making another run for the Olympics.

What’s changed? You’ve had some success and the coping mechanisms you used to get there no longer match the new set of pressures and expectations you are feeling. Some have no idea how to maintain their current level of success while others fear knowing how to be even more successful.

1. For starters, to get where you are currently is hard work mentally and physically.
2. Then, to have a fairly stable set of coping mechanisms that work for you and the environment you are in is harder work.
3. And ultimately, to understand that staying or increasing your level of success may take a different set of skills is even harder work mentally. You have to recognize and be aware that you don’t have the right mental skills and then, know how to develop them.

Ask yourself good questions

It’s at this point that self-assessment or reflection is important. The coping mechanisms I had worked for many years but now I am transitioning into a situation that feels bigger and more successful. Is it bigger? What does the new level of success mean? How will you approach it? How can you keep the expectations realistic? What are the expectations? How will you meet the new demands of your situation? What does it require you to do differently than you have been doing? How do you develop new coping mechanisms to deal with the situation?

New mental skills needed

A month ago, I did a consult with a B-suite executive who was offered a C-suite position and he was scared. In addition, he got the job because he was doing good work, but he didn’t know if he wanted it because he wasn’t sure if he could do it or if it was worth it. When we discussed a growth vs. fixed mindset, he believed he was a person who came from a growth mindset perspective. He always wanted to learn and grow but wasn’t sure this jump was worth it. He went on to say that it was too big, and he was too scared.

I totally get it and while it certainly sounds like a challenge it didn’t sound like he was able to come from a growth mindset in this situation because the growth felt astronomical. He would have had to do more than just get by. He would have had to develop another new set of coping mechanisms to not only do the job but say yes to the position. Sometimes when you say yes, it’s not to the job but it’s to the growth and learning and that’s a differentiator that you must recognize.

You have to be aware of your situation, your level of commitment, and the steps to get where you want to be. Mental skills help you in all facets of your life – from the obvious demands of a performance and competition to the not so obvious that sneak up on you in life – a change in work, a loss, an argument, etc. I’m sure you could fill in your own situation.

Take on the challenge to learn new mental skills! It can change your life, your career, your sports performance, your relationships, and everyday life. Take control and make great things happen!