Emotions are difficult. Why do you think there are so many people who use coping mechanisms like food, exercise, drugs and alcohol? So many people didn’t grow up ‘learning’ about emotions and if they didn’t grow up learning about emotions they certainly didn’t grow up learning how to deal with emotions.

You have emotions

We all have emotions and you can run away from them but then they have the tendency to keep popping up and at the worst times. I am not generalizing or stereotyping but I see this a lot with men golfers. Men are generally not in touch with their emotions and once they get on the golf course emotions are everywhere and they don’t know what to do with them. It’s generally a huge surprise; not surprising.

Some people think that they need to be happy and positive all the time. How realistic is that? I do a lot of work with elite performers around being more positive but there is a difference between being more positive and being able to see the positives than being positive all the time.

How you deal with your emotions

What we know about emotions and how we deal with them has mainly to do with how we were brought up. If we were brought up to avoid emotions (i.e. don’t cry) or emotions weren’t even talked about then you probably deal with them much the same way as an adult. If your Mom or Dad used food, exercise, drugs or alcohol as an emotional coping mechanism then you probably (consciously or unconsciously) picked up on that and may do the same. For example, if your father always came home from a long, hard day at work with McDonald’s (he may have been frustrated, irritated, angry, etc.) at some point in your life you unconsciously came to understand that you were supposed to deal with frustrated, irritated, angry, etc. by grabbing a Big Mac and a large french fry.

There are healthier alternatives for dealing with your emotions. You just may have not learned them yet.

Impact of emotions on performance

Performing is emotional. If you didn’t learn about emotions or how to cope with negative emotions they will continue to get in the way of life and performing. As a matter of fact, in my experience working with elite performers (in general) negative emotions pop up during the highest of pressure situations. If you have little to no experience dealing with them, this will be a shock and you will be unable to move forward without a little help and support.

If you’ve read any of my blogs you’d have heard me say that too many emotions is not a good thing. However, no emotions/very little emotions is not a good thing. With too many emotions your brain has too much information and it says enough and shuts down. With no emotions/very little emotions the brain interprets this as not having any information and hence doesn’t know what to do and shuts down.

You have an array of emotions: anger, sadness, grief, frustration, irritation, happy, fear, disgust, surprise, trust, respect, love, shame, guilt, etc. You don’t have to sink into a deep depression to feel or deal with your different emotions but recognize they exist, be aware of how they effect you and have an idea about how to deal with them. For example, you may live from a place of mindfulness and then you are aware they exist, accept them, let them be and move through them. Good news is you can learn to understand and deal with your emotions before they negatively impact your life; in some surprising, inopportune way.