We are out of our comfort zone when fear of the unknown knocks on our door every day. Not knowing what’s going to happen is scary.

We are so used to having our lives so planned out and, in our control, but when we can’t and it isn’t, we don’t know how to handle it. This is when many us go to a place of fear – fear of the unknown. Let’s talk about what fear of the unknown is, how letting go of things you can’t control release fear, and better ways to deal with it. Understanding fear can help you adjust into a more positive place when you see it.

The cycle of fear

What is fear of the unknown? Fear of the unknown is simply the fear of not knowing. One of the ways we deal with not knowing is to plan everything to the Nth degree so that we are in control of everything and don’t have to worry about what the outcome is.

The challenge is, when we try to plan everything out and control it, there is no real changes or creativity which leaves us stuck doing the same or similar things over and over. We do not even really know if what we’ve planned out is the best option, but we do it anyway so that we maintain control. Or so we think.

Narrow thinking

When we are stuck doing the same things over and over, that leaves us narrow-minded with what we are doing and anything we may be supporting other people doing. We think we know the right way and that’s the only way. We have the answers. But what if in any given situation, you don’t? What if you find yourself in a pandemic, not knowing what’s going to happen tomorrow, let alone six months from now? This is not a situation you can plan for and that can be scary.

The concept of control

The good part about having a plan and being in control is that your thinking is confident – I’ve got this! I have a plan! I know how to make this happen! When fear sets in, thinking becomes – what’s going to happen? What will I do? How will I support myself and my family? Will I be able to travel? Will I be able to go see my friends and family? What happens if I get sick?

Fear is a normal part of life. The bottom line is, there are always both sides of the conversation in your head. The confident YOU speaks in confident language and the fearful YOU speaks from a place of fear. Which one are you going to attach yourself to? I think it’s important to listen and honor both but not get stuck too long in the place of fear.

Listen to and feel your fear but don’t let it suck you under. Try not to feed it. It’s also important to understand how much control you have over a situation. We seem to have the most fear around things we have no control over, i.e., the current pandemic.

How to deal with it

When we come from a place of needing to be in control, we think we can control everything, but we can’t. It’s important to be realistic about this because it will help you let go of things that are outside of your control and be able to deal with situations in a better way.

There are lots of way to work through fear of the unknown. This is not an exhaustive list, however review and practice each one, and then reflect on how it and try it again.

• Decide how much control you have. The most important thing is to recognize that you are in a place of fear. Once you recognize it, ask yourself how much control you have over the situation. Total? Partial? None? Answer honestly to each and then decide the best way to move forward.

• Step back and breath. When you notice yourself getting sucked into a place of fear keep bringing yourself out. Every time it bubbles up, notice it, take two deep breaths and bring yourself back to what you were doing. Not only are we hardwired to want to live in our fear, but we have habitually tried to plan to not have to deal with it by controlling every situation in our lives. Moving away from ruminating about fear whether it’s in your control or not, will take some time.
• Practice gratitude and acceptance. Express gratitude for things that are not riddled with fear and acceptance that fear is part of our life experience. It’ll never go away but you have the ability to recognize it, not over think it, and better deal with it. Appreciation focuses our mind on what we is really important and helps us think differently.

Fear of the unknown is real.

You are going to experience it but you don’t have to allow it to take over your life. And, you do not have to completely plan out everything and try to have total control over everything (because you don’t). You can learn skills to help you decide if the fear is in your control and if it is, ways to understand it, recognize it, and make the best of your situation.