Finding balance in life can be very complex. We are inundated with so many things and on top of that there’s the internet. People seem to be consumed with “something” much of the time. Days off/rest is one form of balance that is lacking in our society.

One struggle I see a lot is kids finding balance in their school obligations along with their sport. For many kids, these two things are similar to having two full time jobs but that is only one of the problems. The other struggle is tied back to being consumed 24/7 and a third is living a two-dimensional life.

Being consumed

I was at a concert a few weeks ago. Just prior to the start I glanced around and what did I see? A sea of people on their phones totally consumed with whatever was happening somewhere else. No one was talking to anyone else. This seems to be the case everywhere I go (oh and by the way it’s not just THEM or YOU, it’s me too). I assume that this obsession with being consumed 24/7 goes on all day long for most of us and on top of all of our other obligations – work, school, family, friends and fun. Or does it? Kids have the internet, school and sport and that’s it. A lot of kids don’t or can’t participate in anything else because they don’t have any more time in their crazy world.

School obligations

Kids now go into kindergarten having to know their ABC’s, how to tie their shoes, and how to tell time. What? I thought that was the premise for kindergarten. Times certainly have changed. The pressure to perform starts in kindergarten and it only grows and gets worse through middle school and high school.

I feel like the school environment is out of control. Not only are schools unconsciously trying to produce perfect (tin solder) students but the demands of school really push the boundaries of what it means to be a kid. The demands of high school are now closer and closer to college. There is so much pressure at school (and in sports) that I am very concerned what’s going to happen to our youth.

For many, school is much like working a full time job. They are stressed and burnt out. Many of my clients present with anxiety and panic attacks. It’s terrible! One of my high school kids reports staying up many nights till midnight and getting up most mornings at 5 or earlier to finish her homework. Kids have found ways to get through the school year but should they have to?

Sport obligations

On top of a crazy school schedule, add a year-round sport, stir, mix, and you have a recipe for disaster. Kids have another full-time job. 1+1 still equals 2. Full time school and full-time sport = 2 full time jobs. Kids have year-round practices, 2 a day and many are playing a club sport, travel team alongside their high school team.

While kids sort of get a summer break/vacation from school, most athletes do not get it from their sport. Some kids have been doing their sport since they were very young. That’s a lot of continuous years to be doing the same thing day in and day out (work).

Two-dimensional identity

Kids have become two-dimensional – dimension 1 school and dimension 2 sports. As we know from our own experiences and research, kids have to be made up of more than these two dimensions. You’ve probably heard the saying – you can’t possibly get everything you need from one person or relationship.

The same premise is true here. Everyone’s true identity is made up from a complex, interactive system of many things and many activities. Currently many kids’ identity growth is stunted. We think that kids have an identity, but they really don’t because they’ve not been allowed to explore it. Many of my clients have no idea who they are or what they want to do. It’s a problem.

The other reason that having a two-dimensional personality is a problem is this – if school is troubling, a kid will turn to sport for motivation and confidence, or vice versa. But if both are a challenge, what do they turn to for motivation and confidence? Maybe nothing, because they don’t have anything else. Or worse case, they choose the wrong path to turn to. This is why it’s important for kids to have other interests. Interests that are fun and that build them up.

Where’s the balance?

The answer is so complex. It’s includes so many systems – family, school, and coaches. And, none of them are really talking to the other and are just allowing and many times enabling this crazy over taxation of kids to continue to happen. We need to work together to come up with a better system so that the future is a little brighter. The current state of affairs is leaving kids stressed out and burnt out in their lives as human beings, students, and athletes.

Having the right mental skills is a definite part of the equation – teaching youth how to deal with this pressure, anxiety, burnout, and obligations – but kids need and deserve this and more. They deserve to:

• explore other activities or hobbies
• have fun
• hang with friends
• be with family
• nothingness

They also deserve time off from their two full time jobs. They need balance. While they are in it, there should be conscious periods of rest and one full day off. During the summer, they should be able to rest and rejuvenate and vacations are as critical for kids as they are for adults. As a parent you may think that traveling across the country to compete is a vacation. It’s not.

Take the time to balance – to not be consumed, to not be stressed, to not be running 24/7. You deserve it. Kids need it and deserve it. Be present with one another! It’s a win-win!!

More tips on taking time off.