When you say I believe, what does that really mean to you? Why is it so easy to believe in someone else or a concept but not in yourself? It’s a little ironic to me that human beings have faith in other people and things that they may or may not have control over, but don’t have faith in themselves. What’s that all about?

Push yourself

Do you have to push yourself to succeed? Yes, you have to push yourself toward success versus away from it. You have to have the proper perspective and tools to push yourself so it doesn’t just become an endless battle of doubts, fears, and negativity.

However, when ‘push yourself’ means always beating yourself up, you are doing the opposite. When you beat yourself up day in and day out, this cyclically lowers confidence and motivation that is not going to help you succeed. In fact, in the normal ‘model’ of beating oneself up, we set ourselves up for failure.

Much of the time, the reason for this cycle is because a) you aren’t internally motivated b) you aren’t clear why you are doing the thing you are doing and c) you don’t know how to think about success.

A) Nail down your internal motivation

What’s your why? Think about what you want and why you are doing the thing you are doing. Is it what you want to be doing? Check in and self-evaluate.

It’s important to find your internal motivation to increase confidence and motivation, and give yourself the ability to work toward what you want. You will have more control over what you are doing and can then figure out how to get to success.

External motivation that comes from outside ourselves is not stable. We often don’t know what others really want from us, those expectations are constantly changing and with so many people wanting so many things, there’s no way to ever meet expectations. It’s no wonder you fail. On the flip side, when you do fail trying to meet others’ expectations (because you will), it’s not your fault.

B) Figure out who you are

Understanding and developing your internal motivation helps build the foundation for your internal motivation and then you need to go beyond that. Ponder these questions:

• Wants: What do you want to do or not do? Why?
• Likes: What are your likes and dislikes?
• Motivation: What drives you?
• Values: What do you value?
• Strengths: What positive characteristics do you possess?
• Opportunities: What characteristics do you need to work on?
• Success: How do you think about success and failure?

Besides developing confidence and motivation you also must develop other skills that will keep your moving forward in a positive way. Practice objective evaluation, productive and thoughtful decision making, positive communication and interaction, and goal setting.

C) How to think about success

This is largely driven by A and B. When you understand your internal motivation and who you are, you can drill down in defining success. Success can’t just come from winning. You have to find success in everything you do. Every situation has successful moments and it’s important to find them. They are easier to find if you set yourself up to achieve them. That’s why small, realistic process goals are so important. They help keep you tied to the process and that process is what gets you the outcome (or close to it) you desire. With the right process goals, you can continue to feel confident and motivated by what you are doing and beat yourself up less because the path is clearer.

D) I believe…

It is quite common for my clients to struggle to find their ‘why’ – their internal motivation. Most have gotten so used to getting external validation. The problem is, when we don’t get that external validation, you feel badly about yourself, and consciously or unconsciously, beat yourself up. The coach hasn’t said anything positive to me, she must not like me? I must be playing poorly because I didn’t get any positive feedback. Mom and Dad are disappointed with my performance. What am I doing wrong? Why does no one love me?

You must believe in yourself and let everyone know what that means. So many elite performers haven’t looked at what they believe about themselves or the belief in themselves has come from many external sources so they don’t actually know what they believe.

I’ve had clients write I believe statements and it’s been incredibly hard but amazingly effective. These statements come from them (not someone else) and is internally driven. We put some parameters around writing these statements – they have to be in first person, they can’t include others, they need to write positively, and they can’t be tied to winning or a specific time.

Give it a try – “I believe I can learn and grow. I believe I will be successful. I believe in my ability to do my job. I believe I can help clients obtain their goals. I believe I deserve to be successful.”

Have faith in YOU!

I’ve been working with a client who was struggling in his sport. He kept losing and continued beating himself up. He didn’t want to do it anymore. He eventually took the time to develop his internal motivation, figure out who he was, and know how to think about success. And, he actually ended up quitting. He quit doing the sport he wasn’t passionate about and chose a sport he loved, enjoyed, and was passionate about. Now, he believes in himself and is excelling.