Quitting

Quitting is tough to do and easy to do. Some might call it quitting, or giving up, or dropping out. We don’t want to do any of these for fear of how others will perceive it. But, it can also be easy to do once you’ve made your mind up or have a good reason to. Or you think you have a good reason to do it. There are certainly good reasons to quit and give up but many of these reasons are related to fear and failure.

Quitting & giving up

Kids don’t always have a choice about what they get involved in. Parents get kids involved in activities because they did it or they think it’s a good idea (for a variety of reasons). And sometimes kids ask to get involved in something because their friends are doing it. Up till the age of 10 kids don’t have a clear sense of what they like so the ways they get into an activity makes sense. However, because they don’t have a clear sense of what they like, they know when they aren’t having fun, and need to be able to explore different options and quit some stuff. That does not mean there is anything wrong or that they are ‘quitters’.

If you happened into a sport when you were a kid but never got the opportunity to decide if said sport is really for you, you may struggle through it at some point as a teenager or young adult. Do you love it? Are you passionate about it? Are you internally motivated to do it? You probably didn’t give it up because you were good at it. However, you possibly didn’t know what else to do, or felt guilty for all the time and money your parents put into it and thought it was the road to fame and glory, and now that you’ve been doing it for so long, how could you possibly quit even if you don’t like it?

What makes quitting hard?

Quitting is hard because (really) none of us want to give up on something we’ve started. We started it for a reason but whether that reason is right or wrong, does make a difference. As I mentioned earlier, if you happened into something that wasn’t your choice, you may not feel the same about it if it had been your choice. That may make it even harder to quit because now others are affected by your decision.

What makes quitting easy?

When quitting feels like the only option, it feels like an easy choice. Generally when the thing you are doing isn’t yours, the expectations don’t make sense, and you don’t have the mental skills to deal with the environment, quitting is an easy alternative to pushing though mistakes or challenges.

“When something is not mine, I am not as invested in it” – Dr. Michelle

Fear of failure

There are many mental obstacles that frequently lead to quitting but the biggie is fear of failure. You make mistake after mistake and continue not to perform the way you want. In this case, it usually means you think you aren’t performing perfectly.

When you keep making mistakes and aren’t performing perfectly, quitting seems like the acceptable way to go because there’s no way to reach your desired outcome. Or so you think. In these instances, there is usually an excuse for not performing perfectly. I was tired, I didn’t train enough, or this wasn’t an important event.

How to push through

• Allow kids to quit and explore different activities particularly up through the age of 10 or 11. If you don’t, it will start to instill fear and anxiety.
• Involve kids in the decision making process.
• Ask older kids what they think is a significant time period for being involved.
• Help kids learn how to deal with mistakes.
• Understand that perfection doesn’t exist.
• Encourage kids to figure out their why
• Help kids create their own realistic goals and expectations and work torward them.
• Teach kids to focus on what it means to succeed versus focusing on failure.
• Give kids the tools for dealing with those moments when things get hard.

It’s important for parents to allow kids to explore and quit “some” things particularly if it’s not tied to mistakes or perfection. As a matter of fact, there’s a better chance for growth and emotional survival in this kind of system.

Whether you are a kid or an adult, quitting usually happens because you’re involved in something that’s not yours and because you don’t have the proper mental tools to deal with the environment. You can learn to make something yours and develop the proper mental skills to deal with fear and perfection.

With the right tools and some mental training, you CAN do it!