Demystify Confidence
Confidence is the hot topic. I posted about confidence on Facebook and it sparked a lot of engagement and emails. Because confidence is a bit of a mystery, it is important to really understand it and dig deep. Most people feel that it either exists or doesn’t, and that they have no impact on it. That is not true at all, so let’s demystify confidence.
What is it? It’s the feelings you have about whether you can do what you are about to do. It’s the belief in your ability.
Myth: confidence is a not choice
It may not feel like a choice because the doubt & negativity just show up and always seem to be there. You wake up, there it is! You go to training or practice and there it is. Because you haven’t trained your confidence to be what you need it to be, how you feel about your performance is out of your control (regardless of age or experience). Chances are pretty good that you may not fully realize what confidence is or how to control it.
Does confidence come solely from winning?
Can winning or good results enhance confidence? Absolutely! 100%! However, there are so many variables that impact confidence.
Scenario #1 – if you are playing well and are also getting good feedback, your confidence goes up.
Scenario #2 – If you are playing well but get less than positive feedback, your confidence goes down.
Scenario #3 – If you are playing poorly, the results are bad (in this scenario, the feedback probably doesn’t matter), and your confidence goes down.
Besides getting good results, feedback from others has a huge impact on how you feel about your results. What you need is confidence that is yours and that doesn’t wain based on a few uncontrollable variables. How do you do that?
Realistically decide what success looks like for you
As I mentioned, you will and should feel good about performing well and about winning. And of course, that is going to fuel your desire to do well but when doing well has no real definition, you are figuring it out as you go along and it hinges on feedback from others, you have no recipe for the next time.
What internal things can help boost confidence?
- UNDERSTAND YOUR WHY. You will have more confidence when you understand why you are doing what you do.
- REFRAME NEGATIVITY. One negative thought leads to another negative thought which leads to muscle tension and continued doubts, fears and worries. Reframe negativity into something that’s more neutral positive.
- DEVELOP PROCESS GOALS. Outcome goals are fine, but you cannot focus on them. You must stay focused on the process because that is what gets you to the outcome.
- BE REALISTIC ABOUT YOUR GOALS. Given where I am at right now, what can I realistically do?
- SET 1-2 REALISTIC PROCESS GOALS FOR EACH PRACTICE, TRAINING AND COMPETITION. Setting your own goals boosts confidence and motivation and gives you a focal point. If I do XYZ, I will feel good about my performance.
Where does the doubt and negativity come from? Is it true? Is it fact?
The doubt and negativity you tell yourself shows up in your brain out of nowhere. It’s unfortunate but you are programmed to doubt, fear, and worry when you assess a threat. Because it just shows up, you don’t question whether it’s true. You assume that because it’s there, it must be factual. Truth is, when clients stop and think about the stories in their head, they realize that they are probably not true. That false story then has a huge negative impact on what and how you are performing. Hence your confidence. Learn to let it go.
Learn to make your brain your ally
Once you realize that an untrained brain is programmed to assess threat and be in a state of doubt and negativity, you can open the door to confidence. You understand that training your brain to do what you want it to do is the key to being successful and confident. It’s at this point that you can move from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset and are in control of your confidence.
- Learn to be mindful of what your brain is doing so you can guide it to what you want it to do.
- Train your brain to recognize, reinforce and think more positively. This takes time and patience because your brain is programmed to do the opposite, but it can be done.
- Reprogram your brain how to think and feel about performance – outcomes, external feedback, realistic goals, the story in your head, what is an actual threat, the impact of negativity, being more positive and the effect of that.
- You are in control of your brain.
Yes, good results fuel your belief but you can be more consistently confident by learning how to develop your belief which fuels your results. Fueling the belief in your ability through results (winning) at some point creates a no-win situation. Once you lose, you fuel the doubt and that doubt perpetuates losing.
